Two wrongs make a right

There are some apps that we never allowed the world's most perfect teenager to download. The sole app the offspring is allowed to have is WhatsApp and the only reason for this is that one of his schoolmates created a group for the class.

There was a time when Junior wanted TikTok because quote “everyone else has TikTok” unquote, but we never allowed him to download the app. For more reasons than one.

We believe that TikTok is burrowing into the devices — and the brains — of teens and tweens around the world. The app’s Beijing-based parent company Bytedance provides a far less-damaging product in China that’s designed to protect their own youth, namely Douyin. The apps are nearly identical — but with one critical difference, users under 14 are required to use Douyin in healthy moderation on “teenage mode.”

Young, impressionable users are limited to 40 minutes a day between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. to ensure they get adequate sleep. Endless zombie-like scrolling is interrupted by mandatory 5-second delays. It also only shows specially-selected “inspiring” content.

The algorithm is vastly different and promotes science, education and historical content in China while the rest of the world's citizens get to watch stupid dance videos with the main goal of making us imbeciles.